Dear Roro:

“She responded by saying that she could’ve seen how it could’ve got to that point in the future and that she could’ve envisioned herself having feelings for me had we carried on talking”-

-there are too many “could’ve” in her answer, and each could’ve has a maybe-if in it. All 3 could’ve-s are directed at a future that is no longer possible (you didn’t keep talking with her, and she has a new boyfriend). Therefore, her suggestion/ theory that she could’ve developed feelings for you- can never be tested. She is safe with her could’ve-if: these are just words for her, not a reality that can happen. It is common to answer a question like this in this could’ve/maybe-if way in these circumstances because the person answering doesn’t want to hurt the feeling of the person asking.

Basically, her answer is: no, I did not have feeling for you when we were talking/ during our friendship.

If she answered you honestly and directly as in the sentence right above, you would be clear, instead of uncertain: “I think this promotes some uncertainty in me, whether I should’ve carried on talking despite how I felt”. She answered you with a No guised as a Maybe-if, trying to lessen your hurt, but instead she caused you uncertainty (and the anxiety that goes with uncertainty).

When asking people questions as you did (well done!), we don’t always get honest, direct answers, especially when it comes to emotions in the context of relationships. We have to interpret the answers so that they are clear in our minds.

“I don’t really know how to proceed. I know there a couple things I still want to bring things up with her but I don’t want to rush into another meeting with her yet”- seems to me that the most you can have with her is a friendship, a friendship with no romantic ideas or sentiments.

Take your time and please let me know what you think and feel about my answer, and overall, how you feel.

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by .