Thank you @Jay2024 for your kind words and for faith, that means a lot to me. Yes, you are right, seems like plenty of time, but sometimes, especially after relationships with guys afraid of commitment, fear and anxiety kicks.

Oh @Sammy1, don’t feel bad, I explained I also tended to run and don’t post more than to bond, so how can I bond if I don’t post and just read. But I read all the time since last summer.

I don’t think I really have a choice @Sammy1. I just can’t have a relationship with a person that I don’t find interesting because of his character and attractive. And with “attractive” I don’t mean only looks, sometimes person grows on you when you get close. But a spark of attractivnes has to exist, and while it’s not just based because of looks, it depends on that too. Or I can’t kiss him, not even mentioning everything else. So I don’t like when people say to me that “he just has to be good” because that’s not true. I have good male friends, that even liked me, but I can’t be with them, I would be miserable. That’s a friends, not a partner.

But I also want partner who will be my support, with whom I can talk and we can share our deepest fears and dreams, someone who will take effort to meet me and understand me and I will do that for him. Maybe that’s why I’m “too much” for someone. I realize now those are not my kind of people. And sometimes it takes time to see if you can do that with someone. I thought I could do that with my last ex, but it turned our I can’t. So that’s what I mean when I say “interesting”. I used to mean “similar or many interests and intelectually smart” but now I think something else.

So I don’t think I really have a choice . And I don’t want a perfect person, just a real one, but who will want the same goals (children and family) and will be willing to put effort if it gets hard. I realize communication is really important, so I want someone I can talk with.

Do I want too much? heheh. I don’t think I can’t be with a guy if I don’t think he has a potential for both.

So I’m not sorry I ended with tinder guy, as he didn’t really put much effort at the end or respected my time.

Thank you for understanding me @Sammy1 , that means a lot.

@Sammy1, I agree with @Jay2023. I think you can enjoy your time with bf, and give him a reasonable time to see if he is ready for next steps that show commitment. You are not together for much, so maybe it is a bit too early for him. If he still have you support and understanding and didn’t just shut down but reassured you, that is wonderful.