Hi Teak and Anita,

Teak, I also found it interesting how he suddenly accepted the breakup when I told him he wasn’t meeting my needs after I expressed them several times, and that I was starting to resent him for it. Once I called him out for his behaviour, he left. Thanks for the advice on soothing my inner child; when I cry, I hug myself and try to soothe myself which helps. I think of the little girl inside me when I do this and it helps me want to protect her.

Anita, I appreciate your investment in understanding my situation and making me a better person. You are a good person. I question too, why I fall for inferior men. I am a highly analytical person and I can read people around me quite well, but with relationships I feel I trust that they are good people and care for me, too easily.

I agree, I recall feeling unsure of our relationship and like my needs weren’t being met since December of 2019. There was a lot of hot and cold behaviour. I dismissed it because of his aunt’s passing in December, whom he was very close to. I think the real reason was he was too immature for a relationship or I am not the one he wants that with. One interesting thing I noticed is that we broke up in April of 2020 because “he was not ready for a relationship.” Now in June of 2021, we are breaking up for the same reason. Does this mean he was never ready but asked me to be his girlfriend in June of 2020 anyway? This is problematic to me and suggests deception. It does seem like he wanted a casual relationship that involved sex for minimal effort.

It’s funny because in my last relationship, my emotional needs were very much met and I felt like I learned how a healthy relationship should be (it wasn’t perfect but it was nice). He wanted to meet my friends and did so often. My friends commented on how nice our relationship seemed; he took me on adventurous dates, posted me on social media and told his family about me. Yet, I reverted and settled for this type of treatment which I have received in the past. I’m not sure what my problem is- do I choose wrong men? Am I not ready for a relationship myself? Is there even a man that will love me genuinely whom I can be happy with..

The thought of dating again does not seem appealing to me at all now. I feel no urge to be in a relationship. I think this is good because I am finally starting to be okay with being alone. In my past, I always rushed into new relationships after breakups, a few months later. I think a new relationship helped me get over the last one because I didn’t have to deal with the sadness. I think I’m starting not to trust men as easily now, which is good and stops me from being naive.

To answer your question, I think I deny it because I can’t accept the thought of being tricked like that. I consider myself an intelligent person so the idea of a man “playing” me is hard to accept. Maybe it is an ego thing? I can’t see him as an evil person. Or accept that I let myself be so vulnerable with a person like that? I do believe what he did was wrong. When I put myself in his shoes, it is easier to see how he dismissed my feelings. I’m curious to hear what you think.

I’m also curious if you have advice on selecting a partner. I think my selection process is wrong. I get interest from men but I don’t think I choose the right ones or I prioritize the wrong things when choosing. Talk soon.