Hello guys, how did the weekend go?

Did you have fun at pub @Jay2023? @Sammy1, did you have a nice weekend with your boyfriend? And @Dannydan, did you resolve the situation with the letter?

@Sammy1

“I understand now, you don’t like to communicate too much because you bond then form attachment? I used to feel scared of that too, so pushed people away. When you bond that person then has an expectation, you form expectations. Expectations can lead to hurt. So we put up barriers and push away but still feel hurt lol.

The way around this is to allow things to just develop naturally without holding yourself back and letting insecurities and fears run the show. This applies to any type of relationships! You forgot to include yourself  @Rhaenys alongside me,  @Jay2023 and  @Dannydan. You also give back so are a lovely person.”

Thank you @Sammy1 <3. I meant that I guess I’m bit afraid people won’t like me, or they will ignore me, and then I stop communicate because I feel ignored or unliked. But I think it’s connected to what you wrote too. And my reaction makes it worse, because I stop communicating / post rarely and then you can’t bond. Yes, I’m reading you for months all the time, but if I don’t post you can’t see me.

I also thought about what you wrote, the compromise. And in these worsds you found my biggest fear. That I’ll have to accept someone I don’t feel any spark ar attraction to have a family, to settle. Like, with a friend who I don’t find attractive or interesting at all. Whom I even can’t and don’t want to kiss.  I’m afraid if I will find someone who I will feel attraction for, and who will be ready and want to commit and want family with me. Because I haven’t had much luck with that until now. (I also made some mistakes and stayed too long it those realtionships.) So that’s my biggest fear.

And I know I can’t make that compromise now. Maybe in 5 years if I’m desperate, but I doubt even then. I know I will be miserable forever if I do that and I won’t love that guy if I do that, because I couldn’t stand being with someone with whom I don’t feel it. However, I’ll be miserable if I stay alone and childless, too. So… this is the cause of anxiety and fear for me.

About what you wrote with spark, I know it may take time, bonding and connection, but it has to exist. And I understand you, it’s also hard for me to find friends. And I mean rela friends, not aquantancies, I have those a lot.

Thank you @Jay2023 for your reply, I’m glad you are much better now.