Hi Anita,

How have you been? I hope your recovery from the second vaccine shot was well. I just thought about you today and so felt like talking.

Things have been quite stable Anita. Ever since my number change, R did try getting in contact through social media a couple times, but I didn’t respond at all and I feel peaceful. I started my singing lessons a while back and on the whole I feel really good.

With the therapist also, I think I’ve benefitted a lot. We spoke a lot. Just saying out a lot of things felt like a burden was off my shoulders. Things with my parents are also quite better. They were good on the surface since many years but now, internally also, I don’t feel the kind of resentment that I did earlier. One thing that my therapist said really stuck with me and helped me clear things. She told me that I had created perfect images of my parents in my mind, an ideal image, similar to my tendency of even idealising their love. She told me that one way in which I can resolve my hurt is acknowledging that what my mom did as wrong, understanding that she did unjustifiably disrespect and compare me. And then understanding that she’s also human, she made a mistake, she’s not perfect and to forgive her and let this go. This really helped me, seeing my parents as fellow humans with their own faults and good things instead of putting them on a pedestal as my parents, really helped.

On the issue of R, I am quite healed I think now. It’s been close to two years now to the breakup, around a month to his last attempt at reaching out to me and now my obsessive thoughts have almost come to a close. Honestly, partly that was because I just grew tired of thinking in circles. Eventually I realised that I can bang my head against a wall but still wouldn’t have answers to many questions and moving on with my life, doing good for myself in my life is more important than finding answers to questions that have no relevance anymore. So, I’m focussing on my life. I’d read somewhere that as humans, we’re both quite limited in our power and quite limitless. Limited in the sense that we cannot control external circumstances or in my case figure out the why’s and the how’s of other people’s actions. But limitless in the sense that we have total control over our own life and can make whatever we want of it. So I remind myself of that if I ever find myself even so much as drifting to thoughts about R.

I just thought I’ll update you about all this.
Thank You again Anita for all the help.

Jenny.