ugh. Just so complicated. I spent the past year stressing over how to get myself together to be a good financial companion, because this matter most to me. I was more worried about the future than I was about the present relationship. I had shit going on that kept me from acting like myself, which I didn’t realize until a couple weeks ago. I gave him too much space when things were bothering him. We both had a bad year. I acknowledged it more than he did. I didn’t want to blame everything on it but you can’t really plan for a pandemic or the issues we both faced during it.

I always imagined him in my future, but I knew we weren’t at a point for marriage or anything. And because he won’t just say no makes it hard to give up. I am going to need to talk to my therapist about it. I just thought when I reached out for those “no’s”, told him I would record it and have him block me, that he would want to do that.

He felt we were too different, I think the past 2 years stress/anxiety/depression caused me to turn in. We fell in love with what made us different. I guess I’m just getting mixed signals and I need him to just say “Hey, I broke up with you because I don’t want a future with you”, then I will say okay then no matter what changes or efforts that are put in, you don’t want this.