I wish you didn’t feel guilty following my input about smoking

No its ok, i think this gulit is good since it can make me quit something that hurt me

I will not repeat it.

No, i want you to say anything you like, i just mentioned what i was feeling, i don’t want you to hide the truth from me just because it hurts me or makes me feel guilty, say any truth no matter how much it hurts me, i will get used to it, and its important i accept it as soon as possible,

how did he do it

Hang

That’s why I mentioned the inconvenience/ difficult-life consequence.

Maybe those will give me enough motivation to relieve myself, or i might even develop more apathy

it is too hot for a walk.

In here its too hot to be alive lol

yet a habit is a habit (so is smoking)

Its funny because i remember developeding a walking as a habit, and i didn’t like it, i even got a program that track footsteps, and i manged to get the 1nd one trophy (after around a year) i remember that if i stopped for a day or two, i just lose interest and have to do the whole thing again, and i had to listen to music to make it barebale, i reminded myself that walking makes you live longer, oh my god, more years to suffer, no thanks, i quit as soon as possible (i had to continue out of boredom) it was so hard to waste time that i had to include walking in my routine, the benefit of smoking for me is more then the negatives, if i got lung cancer, that’s a one way closer to death, if i didn’t die, then at least i will have an excuse to not do anything, an excuse to not live, and i wouldn’t feel so guilty, but then again i might not, did i mention that i have asthma? im slim, and healthy, but its genetic, the funny thing is, i used to struggle from asthma before i even smoke, but nowdays i don’t even have it, i guess it was the whether, but i tell you im gonna have a hard life to live, im my own worse enemy, i just saw that my feelings (of begging if you remember) got back, the learned helplessness,

I saw a woman today, she has a pharmacy, one of the few interaction with her that made me like her, i was looking for my medication, and i went to the all pharmacy near me, they didn’t have it, she was nice enough to bring one to me “i looked hard for this medication but i didn’t find the specific one, but i found the same with another brand, but i thought that you need it, because you are used to it”, i was so glad that not only i found my medication, but that i met such a good person, i saw her today, and i remembered who is the blame for not having such people, i would pay anything just to be with her, i got a very short anger and said “F*CK”, i know that i already said this and i will try not to mention this again, it just gets in my nerve