Dear Murtaza:

I know that you probably meant that you were willing to pay anything and everything to be with her, including getting a job in the too-hot-to-live Iraq, and that it was a temporary willingness based on your strong need to love and be loved in return, as the song says. I asked in case there is something new in your willingness to pay.. some new something (not that I am wishing that there was, like I told you: I really don’t want to change you, and it feels good to say it!)

And I am assuming the F** * was you saying it out loud to yourself, angry at yourself.. frustrated.

I wrote: “it is too hot for a walk”, you wrote: “In here its too hot to be alive lol”- I believe this is where life is heading on this planet: global warming/ climate change.. the planet becoming more and more.. “too hot to live”. I was thinking about this during my walk, following you telling me about your friend’s suicide: how suicide is not about ending a life, it is about rushing to end a life. We humans know that we will die and yet, we don’t really know it. We feel that we will live forever, and looking at eternity of this life is not an attractive prospect for a lot of us.

But this life, yours, mine will come to an end. You like to say about this and that: show me the proof, I want to see the proof. Well, on the matter of death, you have the proof. It is guaranteed, never an exception. So.. try to understand this on a deeper level. By doing so, I hope that you will.. not rush it.

anita