the small jail cell you are in is all about two people: you and him. 

Turns out, he’s not even with me in the jail. I’m here all alone.

I am worried about how much more harm you will suffer since it seems like you are unable/ too scared to separate from him. The entropy you mentioned in your original post of this thread, the movement toward mental disorder and chaos- this has increased because you are in a relationship with a man as acutely unstable as him.

I don’t know what will happen but we lost communication again, these fluctuations are killing me, I know. However, I cannot ignore him, I cannot draw a fine line. I’m terrified of losing him to another person. I tend to think about all the stuff I endured and I know that he’s learned a lot from our relationship. He knows how it’s toxic to ask about the past, think about one’s past. So he tells himself that he would never question anybody else. But he did that with me for a year, and I couldn’t get respect in that area. I feel wronged by life, it’s like I’m a neglected child all along. He learned all about it and he’ll continue with this lesson, maybe he’ll be happy with some other girls and I’ll be standing all alone. He learned what works and what doesn’t with me and he’s ready to be more healthy with somebody else. This double standard kills me.