Dear Peggy, thank you so much for coming to my rescue!

Couldn’t agree more with you, I think this is more about him than it is about me, our us in general. I think he still has no idea what he wants and what he can provide emotionally at this point. I think he just tried to rush a relationship with me in order to get a “fix”, a substitute for what he lost. Otherwise I tend to believe he is doing all that just to manipulate me psychologically, since he is always in a great mood when we talk about anything sexual. And I tested that a few times. When I talk/text about feelings, the future (i.e. going for a swim next Saturday, never kids and what not), everyday stuff,  trying to crack a joke, his responses are moody, or blunt. Until I text or say to him something lightly sexual. Then his mood is up, he is cheery and enganged in the conversation…

I won’t say he is not engaged in our other conversations, but lately he starts to just not care that much. He says he will wait for me to be ready but up to 2 months and not a day more, because he is afraid I might be using him. I asked him how could I? 90% of our dates are walks in parks and the rest coffee dates! I have asked to split the bill, everytime, bought him coffee once myself. And he knows I make better money than him. This is absurd. Yet yesterday he texted me that we will “consumate” things when we are both ready.

And as you say, I start to feel like this is a form of punishment. He told me to wait until he is out of this rut and when I said that this would tear us apart, he said “you want me to wait for you, but you cannot wait for me?”. Being unsure about the future so early on is natural and expected. But what is totally uncool in my books is creating that sense of security, only to take it back, because little “G” got scared, or he NOW decided to live in the moment. Telling me that all of the future talk is valid and he is commited, whilst forbiding me to talk about it because it creates conflicts…conflicts where? For what? All our drama has zero to do with serious talks. The only thing that got us where we are is the sex part. And note that I NEVER initiate such talks anyways.

He says he respects me so much he is afraid of us having sex and then if we break up that I would think he used me. That I’m literally the only girl that puts so much pressure into having sex with someone for the first time and that if we had sex, that would have solved all our problems.

***Bonus tip 1: he deleted the photos of his ex after I put my foot down & asked multiple times for him to do so. His family & friends did the same and they were furious about it. They supported me in that it is a total lack of respect towards me. He was afraid of hurting his ex’s feelings. He told me he will never block her though, I never asked for that.

***Bonus tip 2: he told me that only after we have sex, will we tell our offices we are together. We don’t work together but our offices often times cooperate since our bosses are friends.

My parents are worried sick. My mother thinks he might even be bipolar. Am I crazy for thinking he needs time/ singlehood?