Dear Sofioula:

Good to be speaking with you as well! I’ll retell your story so to get a feel for it: you work in the law office, he works in the accounting office. He came in to your office about 1.5 months ago for some paperwork, was done with the paperwork in a matter of minutes, and left. That was the first time you noticed him. Then he came in for paperwork a second time, and left in a matter of minutes. During the third and fourth times he came in, you initiated a small talk with him, being open and friendly, and he was open and friendly to you in return. You then escalated your friendliness to being “more playful and flirty”, “he started making remarks about us in the future, dating etc.” during those 3rd and 4th work-related visits to your office.

– I didn’t understand before that he talked about a future with you prior to dating, during first friendly chats in the office, never having talked to you before. I can’t stress enough how unreliable this kind of talk is: there was no “us” to talk about!

On the 5th visit to your office, he asked for your Facebook. Within the first day of chatting with you on Facebook he asked you for a first date. The first date took place on Friday June 18. Second date was Saturday June 19, and third date was Sunday June 20. This is what you wrote about the third date: “we we were making out and when I felt I’d lose control, I told him that we should cool it down a bit because I need sometime to be ready to have sex… Since then he has become significantly colder and emotionally distant”-

– Something is not right with the time-line: on one hand, you say that he started to become significantly colder and emotionally distant to you ever since the 3rd date on Sunday June 20th, but on the other hand, you say that the first time he told you that he loved you was on the 4th date, Tuesday June 22nd, and that he introduced you as his proper girlfriend to his family and best friends  on and/ or after the 4th date, on 4-5 occasions (“He said I love you on the 4th date and he introduced me to everyone in his life, both family and friends as his proper girlfriend.. about 4-5 times, 2+ hours each time)”.

Telling you for the first time that that he loves you and introducing you to his family and best friends as his girlfriend doesn’t sound like him growing cold and distant from you at all, sounds like the opposite: growing warmer and closer to you.

In your original post, you wrote: “One day he broke down in tears, out of the blue, because he said that I’m too much of a good and kind person so he is terrified of ever hurting my feelings. This happiness continued on for 7 more days. Here’s how things started going south…”-

– “(Your) happiness continued on for 7 more days” after he broke down in tears, expressing that he is terrified to hurt your feelings, and after “he has become significantly colder and emotionally distant” since the third date?

anita