So I must learn to get over this by myself. I must learn to be peaceful and feel safe on my own.

You can have a better life. The way it has been so far doesn’t have to  be the way it will always be.

I guess you’re right. I sometimes feel so powerless that I cannot help but think those desperate thoughts, I feel like it’s hell without him. It’s going to be a bit hard, I’ve never managed to get over something all alone. I cannot trick myself into another dependant relationship anymore, I know that. I’ve even lost the courage and energy to do that. I don’t feel that naive. I guess I’ll always miss him because of the family-like feelings he made me feel.