Dear Anita ;

how are you ?

thank you for your recent Post .it took me longer to write you back because of exams and job.

as you wrote:

“When considering a man to marry, it is not people/ strangers who will be living with him, it will be you who will be living with him day in and day out, every night for years to come.”

thats soo true and thats  exactly what i told her when i first talked to her..and a  caste doesnt show that he is a nice  and compatible and vice versa .

when i started to convince her by saying there is nothing upper or lower caste  by referencing those verses of Quran :

“O mankind! We…made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise each other).” (The Qur’an 49:13)

and . “All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab, nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black, nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action.” (The last Sermon of Prophet Muhammad SAW)..

after my convincing  she wasnt objecting much but she discouraged me to date him by saying you still have  time to find somebody else and better ….”you are still not a burden to us to let you marry him” … i felt as if he isnt  a human being , if  his grand parents were from other race (mixed -African) …why is it so ? why are we so discriminated against people ,who are from other race/ culture?

in my last LDR bf she dint even objected ..he was of my caste but couldn’t speak the language ..so i used to talk to him in other language other than my mother tongue ..he was student ,wasn’t independent and was  irresponsible, young and imature   but she liked him,she even agreed to talk to her  because he was handsome ,and from “Our Caste” …

its soo strange ..actually i m not talking about my sis alone ..i m refering to a Society ,where having some good character doesnt really matter .one need to be handsome ,from same caste and have some money…nothing else matter …its very sad unfortunetly…

now the thing is ..i m very uncomfortable / scared to even talk to my family about him because it makes me feel really upset by hearing all those caste issues and hearing that “Dint you find anybody else??  ”  ..blah blah blaa…

i dont want to tell him that about the mentalitity of my family or these so called “Uppar caste” people because in any case i dont want to make him feel uncomfortable and discriminated … what will be the best way to go for a marriage in that case with least Drama..??as they are educated but still practice such old values ..

PS:

i thought i came in Europe i m atleast independent and can choose my partner wisely and my family are open minded but i feel they are not … i dont blame them for that because they still live in that society where (as you said) the values are very different ..