you woke up around 7 am this Friday. I wonder if you had breakfast before you turned on your computer. (No need to answer, it is just a wondering)

It was around 5 or 6, i replay to you using phone, because its more comfortable then to do it on the computer, besides its hotter in my room (and i learned that the wether of the room could change my response, the way i sit also) so i lay down while i write to you, i didn’t had breakfast the other day (which was a mistake because answering you take about 1 hour or so), i usually wake up doing things for half an hour before i eat, sometimes workout sometimes shopping, sometimes just lay and watch tv. Sometimes i take more then half an hour.

how strange it is to receive the highest quality help without paying for it, just like that, for free

You did pay for it, from the beginning of our conversation, even at (i can’t cry anymore), i don’t usually use the word “deserve” but you deserve that help, even more, from all members in here, not just me, if we live in a fair world, you very much deserve that.

I said to myself: better not take too much of it, better not work you to exhaustion!

You can take as much as you want.

and before I read the rest, I thought to myself a parallel thought: I am afraid that I might get angry at Murtaza again

I don’t mind it, just know that i perfer that you be angry at me and Express it then to leave and not say anything, i won’t stop talking unless you say so

it is as if I saw evil for the first time, as I held her image in my mind, looking at me with those evil eyes, it is as if I met with evil for the first time, holding her image.. as if I didn’t know that evil really exists till now.

Do you think that, because i said so, that she is evil, you started to believe that about her? Or is it because something else? Because maybe the guilt stopped you from thinking about this and you never tried to think of her like this?

you say it like a personal part of me is valuable

It is.

like I am  valuable

You are.

and I say to the voices: yes, of course there were/ are people  kind to me, it’s just that this here is special

now i have some assumption, but i just wanna make sure (if its gets too boring i understand), what did i gave you that was special? That people couldn’t give? Understanding? Validation? A combination of both and other things?

I imagine young boy Murtaza, as she screamed at me, there is Murtaza “furious (telling her): ‘how dare you even talk to her like that? Are you even her (mother)? What did you do to her to be her (her mother)?’ (She) didn’t reply”, and “from what (anita) remembers it was so satisfying”.

When i talk about this day with my sister, i tell her (this is my favorite episode) she laughs. It was something i remember and be proud.

what exactly do I google to watch the particular episode you are referring to?

Its mary and max 2009, a movie, not tv show, i don’t know how you could watch it though, there is free streaming sites on the web, if you still want to and don’t know where to watch it from, i can give you a link? Maybe in emails? (I think that this site doesn’t accept links?)

It is a bit scary, to share beyond what I already shared in these forums

Its completely fine if you don’t, and my question was more about to show care for you then to know, you can choose what to tell me (whitout me asking and answering them), just say so in the next post and i will be happy to replay to them, maybe discuss them (i like that we are discussing anita, and would love to do more, if you want to) though if you think its enough, then its enough.

 I hope you are sleeping restfully right now

I did, i hope you have a good day.