Dear TeaK,

Thank you once again for ur reply.

I understand every of ur advices above, and i also feel that it’s the best solution for me….. which is to detach myself from her as the future is uncertain… and also focus on the present such as improving myself.

But of course after this situation, as a human i’m deeply affected by it.

I feel like i’ve tried everything i can… but i still can’t get the conclusion i wanted.

As of today i still feel so down and sad, i even wished that tomorrow is 2025 so that i can see the outcome of this uncertainty. But of course it’d be unwise for me to think that i’d skip 4 years of my life only to see how is my outcome with her.

I feel so much unfairness, as i think she’s not as sad as me….. like i’m the only one who’s really madly in love and if she really loves me she’d put an effort for this situation…. maybe it’s because she said that she havent know me fully yet, as we only contact each other through texts but it’s also due to her situation in which she gets pressure from her family regarding relationship and also due to her insecurities for having an aunt who has a bad marriage.

Also she’s a girl…. like even if she feels sad…. she just need to wait if she wants a new boy…. like she only have to fix her appearance and a boy will come to her, even if she still feels sad eventually the boy who’s attracted to her will just convince her to not feel sad anymore… whereas me, i’m a guy and i have to convince myself to not give up and try to chase another girl. Also i cant feel sad in chasing girls, as girls will reject me as a “weak guy”. I know this sounds that i’m complaining, but yeah… this is what i feel now .

Do u think this is due to our age gap? Is 4 years actually a big age gap for relationships?

Do u think if i hope to fate everyday that i will be brought into the right path with her will only cause bad influence to me? Will it only remind myself of her?

As for improving myself, i really want to improve on the way i talk with girls….. i’m mostly shy at having an eye contact with girls… especially if i find them attractive idk why. Also i’m not really good at talking casually with people who im not really close with…… i have a feeling that some people (acquaintance) feels uncomfortable talking to me as i’m not a fun person to talk to….

When i really thought that i could date this girl, i also have this “communication insecurities” like i’m afraid she’s going to be turn off by how not fun i’m on communicating.  I guess it’s because i’m an introvert.

I feel like i’m only good at communicating if i’m sharing my feelings and they hear about it….. like how i used to talk to my close friends…. but if it’s a casual talk…. i’m really not a fun person to talk with. Especially if most of my friends gather…. i wont talk much… i usually only listen.