Dear TeaK,

He told me that he changed from reflecting on what I may have gone through, and never wanting to make someone feel that again.

Yes, I had massive self esteem issues from him, a very successful, ambitious person who I was supposed to trust, telling me over and over how I should get “over it” and that I was embarrassing. I definitely absorbed that. I also want to try every avenue before ending relationships because I cannot live with thinking “what if?”, then absorbing that as guilt as well.

That desire for him to change for future relationships came after the breakup, when I blamed him completely for it’s failing but still hated myself. Before the breakup I begged for change, but he never acknowledged then that there was anything wrong with his actions.

I never wanted to save him – both S and M presented themselves as whole and healed people, and it took time for me to realize for myself that they were anything but. I’m focused on emotional intelligence and communication, so I ended up having to carry the weight for both relationships in efforts to do my best by them. Despite the suffering it caused me.