@Dannydan the ex was selfish but he isn’t an unhinged or narcissist person, at that time he was just very immature and I’ve come to accept and understood it’s all he knew.

Women are 5 years ahead in maturity I’d say. No wonder we prefer to go for older men!

I’m 110% certain even if I was single I don’t want to go back to a romantic relationship with him. I deserve better than I received. We just don’t fit together. The time together drained me and I lost who I was with him. So you’re right I had to rediscover me and learn to love myself again which is why now I value myself more than ever.

I do miss him, he has a piece of me forever because of the way I love, you are right he was a person who I shared a big part of myself with and meeting him contributed to who I am as a person today.

It’s strange to admit but I don’t love him anymore or consider him as the “one who got away” if I did, I know talking to him, considering being friends would never be an option. It would hurt me and I wouldn’t want to do that to myself. I have neither romantic feelings or hope anymore but I care for him.

Women confront things quicker and that’s why we tend to move on from our romantic feelings and realise there’s no going back. It’s done.

Men don’t do this type of introspection often, they can suppress for years until they have something that triggers regret which is why after reading about ‘B’ ex ,it’s got me thinking.

My biggest worry now is that he’s going to still hold hope if I keep any form of contact because your male perspective is completely accurate and what I believe too. I don’t want drama, I did want us to reach a place where we are both happy for each other and can be part of each others lives. I know not from assumptions but hearing it directly from mutual friends he’s conflicted whilst being in a relationship himself.

What do I do? Cut any remaining contact and hurt him for the short term so he tries to heal then try again to be friends, will this make him bitter?

But if I am the “one that got away” a big regret for him, I know we will never be able to be in each others lives and be friends.

It’s that realisation that has made me so sad and either way I’m hurting him. I don’t like to hurt people. Rock and hard place!

My current partner him not wanting to move in did throw me considering he said he wanted a relationship with the end goal being a family. When that happened, my old wounds surfaced but he has amazing awareness and saw that.  He reassured me and still stuck to his guns and I love that about him. He spontaneously planned the stay cay and it was so romantic, he’s definitely a giver in every way possible and I never knew how incredible it can be when you get two givers together 🤯

So both physically and emotionally makes me feel very very fulfilled otherwise trust me when I say after that heartbreak, I’m at that point in my life I’m not going to settle for mediocre. I want the thrills, passion, excitement and someone caring and giving. I always thought you can have one and need to compromise on the other but I’ve been proven wrong.

I’m just scared to say it out aloud because I don’t want to jinx it. I know this sounds stupid, I tell myself little annoying things like oh he works on call etc. just to stay grounded and not let myself get carried away but I’m very very excited and so is his sister who is my bestie so having insider info helps lol.

Sometimes I think why didn’t I notice him sooner, he was there right in front of me but we both had to experience our own heartbreaks, take other roads to find what our needs were and who we were before we could come together and be the best for one another.

Thanks for the sage advice and that very clear explanation of unconditional love vs. codependent love. I can’t believe you’re the same Danny that came to this thread all those months ago. Just incredible. You have really worked hard and become an incredible person. Really warms my heart!

If I panic or become stuck i’ll tag you so don’t worry about replying if you’re occupied. Enjoy your bliss , you deserve it! Been a pleasure Danny!

@Rhaenys and @Jay2023 I’m here if you still want to talk and need. Just tag me X