Dear Richard,

I agree with what anita said – that when we lack a sense of personal power, we tend to be much more reactive and anxious about the events in our lives, because we feel unable to protect ourselves, we feel unable to say No. We feel helpless.

This could be related to your sense of powerlessness and helplessness with your brother: you weren’t able to protect yourself and say No, bugger off! And your parents weren’t there to protect you either. So sinking into helplessness became your default mode…

I believe practicing saying No in a safe environment (in therapy) would help a lot in your healing. You said a few posts ago that so far you haven’t worked on your past in therapy. You also said: I have told several people I believe the way I am today mentally and emotionally is rooted in my childhood. Just not sure how to begin to heal from things that happened so long ago.

If you’re seeing a therapist at the moment, you can mention your brother’s bullying, and ask to work on that. If they don’t know how or don’t think it’s important, you can seek a different therapist. Because there are definitely ways to deal with it and to basically re-write the old imprint of helplessness into a new one of empowerment.