Dear Dave,

I never thought about her being a perfectionist, because she is so messy, but I guess those don’t have to go together, I assumed that perfectionists would want things clean and tidy.

I guess she is messy at home? But you say she’s never happy with the work the workers or volunteers do in the barn, or how the owners mow the grass, and she has the need to fix it afterwards. She wants to do things “right”. This tells me she isn’t messy but rather precise (or at least she is trying to be like that) when it comes to her work environment. So perhaps there’s a split there – messy at home, tidy/precise at work?

That might be the reason though, but if it is, then is there nothing that I can do to help her?

Yes, I believe she would need to resume therapy, because this doesn’t seem like an issue for couple’s therapy. I mean, you can suggest couple’s therapy, and see where that leads. But you can also try to talk to her about the things that we’ve spoken about here, and how her low self-esteem and feeling of “not being good enough” might be causing some of her behavior. Perhaps try to talk to her and see how she reacts?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Tee.