Dear Linarra:

“It isn’t.. bad to be able to talk about those things with you, without sugarcoating them like it goes with most people“- simple honesty like simple love is .. beautifully simple. Simple and rare.

“She was shameless when she was expressing joy of hurting others, like men. She didn’t directly express her joy of hurting me“- your mother didn’t make an exception for you in regard to hurting others and enjoying it.

My mother didn’t express joy, or pleasure for hurting me . But I saw it. I pushed what I saw down, below my awareness best my brain was able to, in its instinctual/ automatic way. But what we know, even if it’s pushed down, does not stay quiet: it creates a lot of noise that shows up in our dysfunction. We just can’t function well before we bring up to the surface the terrible truth that we placed under.

As children, we can’t … stomach the idea that our mothers are enjoying hurting us.. unbelievable, isn’t it.

anita

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