Hi Teak, it might be the reasons. Emotional neglect during childhood  …. one incident I specifically  remember..mom mocking my running style infront of her sisters and brothers.  She never talked about my grades in academics, essay, debates , singing,  dancing etc which I was good at. I was never good in sports. In fact I got reminded most of my childhood stuff during recent years because I don’t want my kid to go through the same stuff i went through. I protect my kid’s emotions. yeah, I did feel abandoned after husband’s death. Any suggestions on what can be done now to improve my self esteem around relationships ?