You do believe that people are brainwashed

I don’t have to believe it, its true, and i provided many reasons to why.

You believe they are programmed to respect their parents

Don’t let that makes you think i feel superior to them, or i don’t respect such people just because i was inherited different experiences that lead me to what i believe now, i sure can be mean online, and say things i don’t really mean, but im not like that in real life, i never disrespect anyone, or feel superior to anyone, unless his belief gonna be in the way of our relationship (which happened to few of my friends) i won’t back off knowing he is a good person and deserves my time.

is you are quick to blame yourself for having been hurt by them

I don’t blame my old self for being hurt, i was a kid, i couldn’t defend myself, i only blame my current self, the aware one, and i don’t do it to just blame, i do it to learn and change, i believe no one could hurt you unless you allow him, if a person hurts you, check yourself first, in the end people are external and outside of your control, you will have to adopt to them, or see different people, something not available to me.

You are blaming yourself for having been vulnerable

When i blame myself for being vulnerable in the past (two years or so) i know there is nothing i can do about it to change it, but i see is as a lesson to be learned from, every experience is a lesson, and lately there was some harsh lessons i learned, really harsh, one that love is an exchange, you have to meet certain requirements for that exchange (mostly), there is more lessoned i learned, it can be long if i stated them, but im really glad i learned them, im reallg glad for those painful experiences the past few years, because now i know the truth, without illusions and fantasies, and i made a decision, i will do it when life gets worse, it hasn’t yet.

You are blaming the little boy Murtaza for not being strong enough not to be hurt.

No, i feel empathy for him, i feel sorry for him, that he lived this horrible life, and i want to make it easy for him, this is why i choosed a life with little problems and little pain, because i know he is already in pain, and don’t want more, thats one of the reasons why i can feel motivated to live life, because it would mean intentionally hurt him for a hope, an idea, i sadly not very convinced of any of those ideas and hopes, so its like both of myselfs are against this.

It’s your own flesh and blood, it’s the people who were supposed to love you and care for you

Yes its true, but what can i do about it? My own flesh and blood is shit, so what? I don’t let that decide my destiny or predetermine my life, i don’t blame them for it, because i know they were programmed to do so, i understand where they are coming from, i understand why they did what they did, and i see no fault of theirs.

Though i acknowledge they did something bad (acknowledge, not blame).

But you suppressed your anger at them, and are angry at everyone else

The reason why im angry at everyone else, because of my experiences, i still mad at my parents, i didn’t superss it, its just a logical anger, not feeling oriented one.

The reason why im angry at society, because they told me god exist, they told me workout helps (online) they told me doing this and that helps, it all turned out to be wrong, i had to figure things for myself, i honestly trust NO ONE with my life, i won’t listen to any advice or instructions from anyone, only me and the few people that know me, that i think are ok to do so (which just incase you wondering, they don’t, my little sister knows me, knows exactly how to be me, never advice or tell me what i should do)

And you are angry at yourself too, for being weak and needy.

Yes im angry at myself, but not because of that, but because i live miserablly and developed apsthy instead of actually doing something about it, i don’t want to do the right thing, but won’t suicide either, so sure im angry at myself.

So your anger – which is rightful and justified – is directed at wrong people

Norimes who always suggest the things that didn’t help me, only made my life worse, imagine wasting time of your life because someone thought something about it.