Teak,

I really must disagree with you. This does not have to do with my inner child/parents relationship. This is about needing to have a voice. This is about giving myself closure. I know I cannot get them to do the right thing, so I want to give myself closure. I do not expect them to read the letter and change their behavior. I only want to be able to say the truth of what happened. This is for me! not them!

The confused part of me is normal for a victim of narcissistic abuse. The confusion you are seeing is a typical reaction to narcissistic abuse. They lie, manipulate, and gaslight. It is a very confusing and crazy making form of abuse. It leaves all victims confused and needing answers and closure. this is a normal textbook reaction to this kind of abuse. It does not mean I want him back or am rationalizing his behavior and thinking it wasn’t bad. It was horrific! Yes the logical part of me gets my abuser has a personality disorder, but the emotional part of me cannot understand why a human would treat another human this way because I am a very ethical and moral and compassionate and empathic person so i just cannot understand how someone could be this much of a monster. That is just my idealistic and slightly naive nature.  I don’t hope that it wasn’t all that bad. I know it was bad! I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. This has nothing to do with my parents. I am not projecting. I don’t want love from abusers.  I just NEED to have a voice. I was never allowed to have a voice and say what happened to me throughout the ENTIRE relationship! I need to be able to stand up and say the truth of what happened.

I don’t give a damn how they react to it. I am not waiting to be loved by my abusers. You are misunderstanding me. sending that letter is me loving myself because i am empowering myself to speak up about the horrible treatment and say the truth. I want to be done with them and use that as closure. I don’t expect them to change their behavior or do anything different. I definitely don’t want love from them or my birth parents. I want to heal and move on.  I don’t want to send a letter for them or to have anymore contact with them or to get anyone to love me or see things differently. I want to send this for me! so I can have a voice and use my voice that was taken away from me and say the truth of what happened and give myself closure. So i can be empowered and take my voice back and then I want to move on and be done. I am sending the letter to give myself closure. This is for me and has nothing to do with them. I don’t care how they feel about the letter. It is all about me getting to have a voice and say the truth and empower myself to say what they did was not ok! I want my voice and to say the truth FOR ME. i don’t want anything from them. Does that make sense?

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by MKnox.