Hey Anita, thank you very much for your answer!

I think my main problem right now are the obsessive-compulsive thoughts… I think about everything I’ve ever done wrong and try to learn from it and change my behavior. Then I’m clean with it for a few moments but quickly start to think again “But my boyfriend deserves better, If he would knew aaaall of my thoughts and further actions I’m sure he wouldn’t want to be with me anymore”. And then I think that it’s egoistical that I still want to be with him. And if it’s enough that I try to do better everyday…  And then I can’t stop to google, and to write in my notes and all I can think about is that I am / was a bad person…