Dear DC:

You are welcome. This post is probably going to be tough for you to read, so please take your time reading, take breaks, and of course, if it gets too distressing, you can choose to stop reading at any time.

I want to jump straight into what I’ll call The Core Injustice: the biggest and earliest Injustice that you experienced:

“It is my culture to respect..  her whims and wishes..(to respect) her.. affair with a married man (who)..  tortured and abused us kids, physically and emotionally… till we were grown-up in our late teens”.

I know that you wrote: “It is in my culture to respect elders”. I know that it is in your culture to respect parents as well elders. Thing is, culture does not make an exception for very abusive parents or elders. Without such exception, culture teaches to respect abuse.

What kind of social or cultural “justice”  is it that teaches children to respect, for the duration of their lives,  the whims and wishes of “a narcissistic and toxic person… self centred, controlling, critical, etc.”, who brings in a man into her children’s lives who abuses them for years?

What kind of justice is it when a woman is allowed to hurt her children badly for years.. and she get away with it, no one holding her accountable as she keeps abusing them into adulthood: no apologies, no regrets.. no guilt, no justice.

Let’s look at a minor injustice, in comparison, one that you wrote about in your original post: “I recently became aware that the Treasurer..  used his position to tell the Strata Manager to pay for his own repairs – out of the owners corporation’s funds. This is an abuse of position of power“.

Your mother used and still uses her position of power to abuse you and her other two adult children. It is society and culture that give her this position of power to keep for the duration of her life, turning the other way when she uses her position of power against her children.

In your original post you wrote in regard to the relatively minor injustice of recent: “I have therefore been ridiculed and abused. And recently, outvoted by other SC members who fear retribution from the Treasurer… I have suffered abuse from some current SC members for being the only person who raises issues with this inappropriate behaviour“:

(1) As wrong as the ridicule and abuse you suffered as an adult in the context of the SC, it was of a way lesser abuse in duration and intensity than this:  “This man tortured and abused us kids, physically and emotionally.  The abuse lasted till we were grown-up in our late teens”.

(2) The other SC members fear retribution from the Treasurer if they act to correct the injustice. Similarly, you fear retribution if you acted to correct The Core Injustice in your life, and the retribution you fear is Guilt: “I don’t want to feel the guilt of neglecting her when she passes on.  She is elderly now… she is my mother”-

– It is society and culture that instill in children this Guilt, a terrible pain of being a bad-boy (or a bad-girl) if you act to correct the injustice of parental abuse. The cherry on top of this societal-cultural dishonest manipulation of adult children of abusive parents is saying: well, look at your mother.. she is elderly now, harmless.. about to die.. don’t upset her now, take the non-physical abuse (as she is too weak being elderly.. to hit you herself or to have an affair with a man who will) for just a little bit longer.. okay? Good boy!

anita