Hi Javier,

Just checking in.

So I’m seeing you are struggling. So let me express what I’ve gone through and how I’ve gotten through it.

I struggled with severe mental illness as bipolar for many years, worsening when I was 25 in 2015. I was hospitalized twice (once the first time and secondly after a relapse years later).

I’m finally on the right meds. It’s a true miracle.

But for a while, I started waking up each morning cringing in shock at all I had been through. My therapist called this PTSD.

I had to let the shock of it subside overtime. I couldn’t get rid of it right away.

I had to not react to my mind. My inner critic was lying to me as it is lying to you. I had to just let it happen and not judge my process of healing.

You are feeling so many negative things. I understand that. I was just there myself! I was waking up cringing and feeling depressed each morning.

But it got better.

It gets better.

You’re going through the worst of it right now. It will get  better. So don’t react to your mind right now. It’s freaking out. It’s  PTSD. It’s trauma. It’s catastrophizing.

Mindfulness is a great tactic to overcoming this stuff. But it’s also human to be afraid. You don’t have to fix yourself overtime.  Have self-compassion.

You’re not alone, and things are never hopeless. You hit rock bottom with your recent suicide attempt. You’ve been given a second chance at life.

We are here for you, but it’s up to you if you’ll let the light in.

It’s up to you to find what makes you smile or laugh.

It’s up to you to take deep breaths while going through panic attacks.

It’s up to you to listen to your inner voice not your inner critic.

It’s up to you to take this advice and follow any resources given.

It’s up to you have faith.

That’s what it comes down to.

Faith in yourself and whatever you believe in.

You have a purpose. Your purpose might show itself through your pain.

I was grieving someone and I turned my grief into a story line of my young adult fiction novel that I’m writing. I also turned it into an article that I’m still writing. In my sadness, lines just came to me that captured my emotions and gave me wisdom and meaning.

Your intuition tells you a lot. I think you are doing better than you think.

Stop reacting to your thoughts. Just observe them. Let them pass. You need to separate yourself from your mind with mindfulness. Nothing you do will work until you do.

Sarah