Dear Makingtide,

I understand how you feel. Although you accept that you have caused harm and pain to your wife over 25 years, the pain and hurt that you experience now is real too. With the little experience that I have, I can only advise what could change the situation quickly. You have to start living in gratitude. You have to practice chanting thank-you’s thousands of times a day. The chanting should not be mindless uttering of the words thank-you but you have to see the beauty of every situation, and every thing. You have to see the good in everything that is happening in your life now. Root out hatred from your being and let your heart open.  If practiced correctly this will quickly change you and the change would be palpable to your wife. Gratitude is magic. But you cannot cheat(lie to yourself) while practicing gratitude, doing so will nullify everything. You need patience too. Within sometime compassion will start flowing and you would be in a better place to make her happy and cherish her. God bless.