Dear Felix,

Right now i’m trying to learn to draw digitally… at least to make me good at something… i dont care anymore if what i’m drawing is cartoons, at least it’s better than following someone’s life only not to get judged.

It’s good you’re learning to draw digitally, if you have interest in it. By all means, do what interests you and makes you happy, not what someone else is doing.

i hope i can do it… because if i can draw and also learned chinese language, i can unlock myself with 2 abilities.

Is this the correct way of thinking? I need to be good at many things?

Yes, it’s a good plan. You don’t need to be good at many things. And as I said, do it because you like it, you feel some inclination to it, not because others do it.

It’s the saboteur, i hate it… it keeps giving me endless list of regrets that i made in the past.

Most of my days are ups and down, sometimes the saboteur isnt there, but whenever i feel down it’ll appear and gain control of my head.

Good that you are aware of it, but also be aware that it’s a voice that is not telling the truth. It’s motivated by your fear, it wants to keep you “safe” by not trying anything new, by keeping you stuck in endless thinking and obsessing that paralyzes you for any action. So be aware that the saboteur is not telling the truth. His “defense” is harming you.

My parents told me that i shouldn’t have this kind of attitude, i always feel regret whenever i saw someone who’s the same calibre as me achieved better things… i’ll think “why didn’t i succeed like him, i know i can be better than him”,”how is he better than me now”.

My parents said if i have this kind of mindset, i can crash midway… as i changed my opinion easily…

They are right. They see how your regret and self-doubt is harming you. At least they aren’t judgmental. But they may use your self-doubt to “worry about you”, like they (specially your mother) worried in your childhood. In their childhood, they worried about your eating habits and your health, now they worry about your mindset. This can make it harder for you, because you see it as another reason to criticize yourself.

So when you hear the saboteur’s voice again, try not to criticize it, try not to hate it (It’s the saboteur, i hate it). See it for what it is – a misguided defense mechanism. You can even tell him something like: “I know you are worried about me, like my parents were, and you don’t want me to make mistakes. I understand your motive. But I’ve learned some things about myself now, and I want to try new things because they will make me feel better. I am not afraid to try new things because only through trial and error can I grow. And I want to grow. I don’t want to stay stuck. So thank you for protecting me so far, but I’ve got it now. I can take it from now on. I am growing every day.”

If you try this strategy with your saboteur, let me know how it went…