Dear TeaK,

Thank you once again for ur reply.

I’ve read the strategy that u suggest me, i’ll try and see how it went.

I wanna share regarding yesterday. Yesterday is my bachelor’s graduation… because of covid it’s conducted online.
As you know most people celebrate their graduation by posting on their social media right, after 110 days of being inactive on posting, i decided to post again… to post a pic of me graduating… i didnt do it to impress people, i just want to share that i’ve graduated…. So i posted a pic of me with the certificate and also a flower (only 1) that is given by my parents….
There are several people congratulate me, and i feel thankful….

I feel relaxed at first, not until i saw most of my colleagues has more people congratulate them, and they get dozens of flowers…. I really dont want to get triggered, but i think this is human nature… Although i can control it better than before, but i still feel less…. People might saw me as a person who doesnt have any friends… i only get one flower from my parents. It’s not that i feel low in self-esteem, it’s just that i dont want them to look at me as a less person.

Previously i’ve said that i prefer being alone as having friends won’t let me focus… but seeing those pics yesterday, idk why i feel sad…

After being inactive on posting for 110 days, the feeling of comparing with others is still there when i dont intend to….

There’s also a person who intentionally ask their friends to bring flowers so that she can take a pic with those flowers and show to people that she got many flowers….

Why is society like this? Why is social media like this?

This is why i feel frustrated on my birthday 4 months ago… I posted a pic of my birthday and i counted how many people wish me a happy birthday and i compare it with my friends…. This is so wrong…

I cant believe i’ll have to count how many people congratulate me on my wedding day if i post on social media….
I’m sure this is not just me, i’m sure people who’s active on social media has this issue… comparing to others when they post something… e.g. who has more friends, etc

When i thought i’m on the right track on my life… these things happen…. Society is such a struggle.