Dear Tineoidea,

Hmm, you do have a point there. Maybe I am slowly opening my eyes.

Good, because in that same article (on verywellmind . com), it says that one form of emotional abuse is having unrealistic expectations. Some examples are: “making unreasonable demands of you, expecting you to put everything aside and meet their needs, demanding you spend all of your time together, being dissatisfied no matter how hard you try or how much you give”. You were subject to all of the above… Plus, of course the threats to kill himself, which as I read now, goes under emotional  blackmail – which is another form of emotional abuse.

What’s curious is that both of them started to blame me for “abusing” him, when he actually was the one who abused both her and me.

Well, he presented himself as the victim, not just to your ex, but to you as well, when you were still friends. When you tried to cut back on contact, he would complain that he was trying to be the best friend, and this is how you thank him. In other situations too he had no self-criticism, it was always someone else’s fault. It’s no wonder that he told his own version of the “truth” to your ex. He was of course the victim and the innocent one, and you were the bully.

I do agree that there were times I’ve been cold, stern or avoidant with him and perhaps I could have handled it better, but I do have to say that he pushed my patience to its limits there, and I’m generally very patient.

You were trying to protect yourself, because he just wouldn’t back off. Asking him nicely didn’t work…  so no wonder you’d occasionally lose your temper. And then he probably used those moments as a “proof” that you’re selfish, impatient, cold, cruel, etc…