Dear Umaz:

You are welcome. You wrote in your recent post to me that it may help you to ask him a question, “but I am not sure I will be able to do it without feeling hurt and sad“- you can’t help what you feel, and you can’t help if some hurt and sadness is in your voice. It’s okay to ask him a question with a bit of a hurt and sad voice.

You can’t help feeling “really abandoned and lonely.. hurt and sad“, but when you feel these feelings it doesn’t mean that your boyfriend really abandoned you, it could just feel this way  because the current event awakens an early life experience of having been really abandoned, physically or emotionally

You wrote in your original post that he didn’t want you at the funeral “because he wanted to ‘protect me from the pain“- if he knows you as a person who often gets hurt and sad, it makes sense that he wouldn’t want to expose you to an event where there is so much hurt and sadness, especially since he probably noticed the massive sense of loss that you already experienced about his dad’s sickness and death (“I felt a massive sense of loss too, even though I didn’t know his dad that well“).

anita