Dear Anita and Teak ,

how are you guys?

i am fine and i reached Germany safely.before a week Ago i read your post and wrote a big post and somehow it disappeared without being posted 🙁

i thought to write all again later but was busy with job , studies and few new things 🙂

i have alot to say .i dont know where to begin .
well first of all i am doing good , i m concentrating on my studies and more motived to do better in career and get a good job soon ..

me and (he) decided to do marriage here( with or without family) its not bothering me much now ..

After coming from my country, i felt different this time , i met my eldest sister after a long time ,i always wanted to be close to her and i always wishes that she should be proud of me because i craved that attention (because i never got that , my emotions were neglected in childhood,which i come to know now by our conversation in This thread..

this time even though i m now adult ,independent ,i was somehow ignored by her  .  ,she was critically judging me and putting me down bcz i did make up and she was telling me till 2 days i was looking so awful in that way .which was hurting btw and some other times and much more but this time something has changed in me ..this inner child of me doesn’t want any emotional validation from her but somehow i become disconnected from her ,as if ( may be ) i shouldnt be allowing her or anyone to emotionally destroy me anymore ..i don’t need validation from anyone and not from people ,who hurts me without realizing the impact of those abuse and criticism on my mental health,physical or  well being .. i just cant get away with this hurtful thought .. but it brought something good in me .

I ll write more later may be tomorrow:)