Hey guys thanks for your replies, sorry I didn’t get back to you both!

I feel like we are doing a bit better, but its hard, it seems good during the week and then things seem to fall apart at the weekends! But i had a big chat with him last weekend about how i feel and we seem to be more on the same page now. I really do want to make this work and he feels the same. J now have another issue though! I’m not sure if you can help me understand.. I find it slightly embarrassing to talk about with friends because everyone just seems to have no issues with sex and intimacy but I feel like I do. Not all the time, but i am now and i have in the past. It seems really silly but when my partner touches me- not even sexually, just touching my legs or my neck or anything it doesn’t really feel nice for me sometimes, it feels tickly and it just makes me feel all weird i dont really know how to explain it. Its really not nice. Its not all the time either so sometimes ill be fine then other times it feels horrible.. I know this can’t be nice for my partner. I feel terrible as hes not doing anything wrong, hes just doing a normal thing you would do in a relationship and i just cant, it makes my skin crawl sometimes. Ive also noticed that i get panicky sometimes if i think hes going to try and initiate sex. I dont know if its just because I haven’t been feeling very close to him emotionally for quite a while, but also i dont even know how to open up again. As much as i want to make it work I just feel like im being very closed off to him and i dont know how to stop. It also could be due to past trauma i feel like that kind of fits with the panicky reaction, its like fight or flight, but then if its because of that then I just feel like I dont know how I can possibly solve it without therapy which obviously isn’t a quick fix, and i am planning on going but its expensive too!