Dear Annie,

you are welcome, and please do check out that video, because it’s pertinent to what you are experiencing: a possibility of burnout:

Yes, there is definitely a lot I need to heal from and work on. Recently, it’s been hard to juggle everything since I’ve been doing 3 other internships and helping clients with tasks that I barely have the time and focus on working on myself. I have been feeling slightly burnt out as I feel I’m taking on more than I think I can handle. But this is because I’m trying to gain more skills so I can find work that pays better and I shouldn’t waste time.

You’ve already complained about it – that you tend to overwork yourself, accept more than you can handle, be it dealing with your parents’ requirements, or now, with your 3 internships plus a job. Taking on more than you can handle is a problem of boundaries, because you’re unable to say No. And also, it’s a sign of not taking care of yourself enough, and self-care is crucial for any kind of healing.

So please, consider reducing your workload, perhaps even dropping one of your 3 internships, so you can have a better balance and a better chance for getting on the path of healing. Think about it: if you are more emotionally healthy, you’ll be able to get a better paying job where you’ll be better appreciated and respected. So ensuring enough self-care is crucial even for your professional goals.

I am sorry about your boyfriend not being interested in a committed relationship. Beginning of this year, he said he missed your touch and hugs. A while later, he said “he’s okay with hanging out and having fun, but doesn’t want to date.” And he told you that you should meet other people if possible. So he clearly isn’t interested in being with you… although him saying he misses your hugs might mean he is interested in a “friends with benefits” arrangement? Or this is not what he is aiming at?

Anyhow, it seems that while you were dating, you were in a rather common dynamic of you being the anxious one in the relationship, and he being avoidant. Your relationship was on and off because he wanted to break up but then he’d get back to you and you’d rekindle the relationship. You were anxious and worried that he’d leave you, and you often complained that he’s not as caring to you as his friend was to his girlfriend. You also felt that his friends are more important to him than you are.

You were reacting from your wound of rejection (having felt rejected by your own family), and projecting that on him. I don’t know his character and whether he was indeed negligent and not very caring with you, but he probably didn’t like your accusations, and this made him withdraw from you. But then he’d start missing you after a while, and the cycle repeated several times, until you put an end on it, because you couldn’t bear another rejection of his.

Last December, 1-2 years after your breakup, he initiated a meeting, to possibly rekindle the relationship once again (?). But it never happened due to covid and his father’s illness. When you finally met in person a few weeks ago, after 10 months of not seeing each other, you never got to talk about your relationship and feelings (although you admitted to him earlier that you still have feelings for him). Instead, you talked about everything else, and then he had to leave. You now feel “rejected and so hurt”. You were hoping that he might be feeling something for you after all, but now it seems that he’s moved on and it’s hard for you to accept it.

The way I see it, I think that he indeed has moved on, or if hasn’t moved on entirely, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you while you are still reacting from your wound of rejection. Maybe it’s hard for him to be without you, because he misses some aspects of your relationship, but also it’s hard for him to stay with you because you tend to accuse him of not giving you enough. If you react from a wound, no amount of his love and attention will ever be enough. And that’s exhausting.

If you want a healthy relationship, either with him or with anybody else, you’d need to heal that wound. Work on your inner child. Get in touch with the little girl inside of you, who felt rejected, and give her love and appreciation. Tell her she is special and unique. Give her that what you expect from your parents, your boyfriend and everybody else. That’s the quickest way I know of healing that wound and being free…