Dear sossi,

So here i am blaming myself for being lonely and lost in what to do. But ive struggled all my life. It would be nice to sit back and say, this is why my life has been so hard when others just cant understand it…ive always disappointed people. I could join the whatever is wrong with you club, and commiserate with other people..would that really help?

Yes, you are blaming yourself, you are very harsh on yourself, and it’s not helping. You believe you’ve always disappointed people and that there is something wrong with you. In my previous posts I’ve tried to highlight that even if you haven’t suffered physical abuse (which you’ve stressed several times in your posts), you did suffer emotional abuse at the hands of your narcissistic mother and your enabling father. And the consequences are visible today in your life.

The idea of “blaming” my state of being on my family doesnt sit well with me at all, since i always believed you could not blame others for your own mistakes or your situation

You don’t need to blame your parents. A therapist once said that healing is a fact finding, not a fault finding mission. In order to heal, you need to know the facts of your childhood and upbringing. And you need to heal the emotional wounds caused by that kind of upbringing. It’s doable. But you need to stop blaming yourself, and start having compassion for yourself as a child, and for yourself now, as a grown woman.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Tee.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Tee.