Anita,

I needed time to respond to your recent post as I was taken aback. in a nutshell, you are calling me a liar and sensationalizing my experience to try and paint myself as an angel or a victim. feel free to correct me if I have misunderstood what you have said especially in your last paragraph which I will quote below.

It is very difficult to be honest about things we are ashamed of, things we feel guilty for- it is true to me too- but this kind of honesty is necessary if we are to continue to heal.. if we are to continue our individual walks on our individual healing journeys.

I may have gotten my timeline mixed up because at the time I just wrote what came to my mind as I remembered them. growing up in order to deal with the pain I developed a habit of zoning out. and I would lose track of time. that’s very true.

I have had to go to my conversations with my late sister to get my timeline correct. this is something I have not done in almost 2 years.

My sister passed away 04th July 2019. I met Christopher end of August of the same year 2019. I was in a bad state and at this point, I had it in my mind that if I had a child the pain and guilt I felt towards my sister would somewhat be resolved. as we got to know each other, Christopher and I that is, this is something I talked to him about. from the onset, when we started sleeping together I did tell him I don’t take birth control and I don’t believe in abortions. I was never divisive. we both got tested for STI and he slept with me without any trouble knowing fully well that I am not on birth control.

While dating we broke up twice in 2020 before we finally broke up this year in April. I got pregnant in January and only tested the first week of February and I was not 4 wks yet. I got my first ultrasound end of February when I was about 6 weeks. At 8 weeks I had a miscarriage. which was the second week of March. I took another week to have the DNC. which brings me to the third week of March. because I had complications I spent two weeks in hospital. I got out at the end of the first week of April. Christopher broke up with me 5 days after that which makes it the second week of April 2021.

between 2019 and January 2021 I had changed my mind about getting pregnant as I had realised that it wasn’t the best time and was acting out of emotional distress at the time. but one thing is for sure, both he and I had not taken any precautions to make sure we didn’t get pregnant. We went on as usual. December 2020, I started a new job which I was very excited about. getting pregnant wasn’t on my bucket list as it would affect my performance. Yes, when I found out I was pregnant I was taken aback, but I was not disappointed. I mean what harm could,  having another child do right?

as for my late sister, instead of assuming am making things up why not ask me how we ended up this way?

A couple of months later, Nov 11, I was surprised to read that you suffered from “being bullied by my entire family.. everyone took joy out of bashing me“, because your “entire” family, and “everyone” include your younger sister. I was surprised to read that you “always felt more comfortable among strangers than my own family.. My teens were miserable. My 20s were even worse. I have suffered depression for so long but no one in my family knows“, because it is not congruent with you having shared really deep secrets with your younger sister who has been alive during your teens and 20s.

My late sister and I weren’t always close. it was only after she herself went through the same abuse I had gone through at the hands of my parents and my older sister that she reached out to me. it took a while but we started talking and slowly got close enough for me to even share my deepest secrets. Now that I write this I realise it’s probably because she knew she was sick. My other sister told me she had been positive for 10 years prior to her death.

Reading this last post from you makes me very angry. Yes, I admit I got my timeline mixed, but that doesn’t take away from the things I went through. it doesn’t take away from the fact that I had a horrible childhood, or that I was bullied by my own parents. Or that despite both of us knowing the possible outcomes we went ahead without taking precautions. (Christopher and I) or the fact that he walked off and left me alone to deal with the mess that we both made.

me getting my timelines mixed up doesn’t take away from the fact that I am hurt and in need of healing that I need to find a solution for my emotional issues. Or the fact that I need to do better for my son.

I came here to try and find a solution to my chaos, I was at my wit’s end and was ready to try anything just to feel grounded. Before this, you insinuated that I was imagining Christopher to be bad when in an actual sense he was not. You wrote this to me before asking me what really happened. I feel so sad and frustrated right now.

In what you have written in your latest post one would assume I must be a very twisted person to come up with such an elaborate story. I mean, based on what you have written I am painting a guy black. it might all be in my mind, right?

According to your latest post, I am lying to myself and creating stories to paint myself a victim. I honestly don’t know what to say to this.

You don’t have to believe me. I know what happened to me. And I am doing something about it whether you believe me or not. when I started posting I was hoping my messed up life would offer another person comfort. that they would know they are not the only messed up person. we each have our own demons.

To have all this reduced to this… is so unfair and heartbreaking. I am so disappointed, to be honest. I don’t want to take away from what you have done for me so far. Thanks, you have been helpful as it has helped me uncover memories that I had long buried.

As for Christopher, I don’t hate him anymore he is not worth it. I forgave Christopher and let him loose. I also stopped having any kind of contact with him.

As for my son, I love my son. I am working this hard, dealing with the uncomfortable in order to give him a better childhood. I know you don’t believe me, but at this point, it doesn’t matter. I won’t try to convince you anymore.

I have said enough

Elizabeth.