Dear Rachal,

you are welcome. I am not anita, btw 🙂

The situation with his parents does seem pretty complicated. You said you’ve been together for 12 years and living together for 4 – does it mean they have been against you all this time?

I dont know if I should neglect all the good things in him and the fact that he has kept me so happy throughout 12 years or should I go ahead with not getting involved with this man at all? I am in a big dilemma because both of our families have been involved and everything.

When you said this, I thought your families were tightly knit and that’s one of the reasons why you are in a dilemma. But it seems the opposite is true, since his parents don’t like you at all:

his parents are against me and they have stopped picking up his calls, his mother writes to him every now and then accusing him of ruining the family name and ruining his dad’s health,… they just dont wana agree to this marriage

That’s pretty bad. The conflict with his family, which has been ongoing, seems like a much bigger cause of stress than his work stress… He is forced to choose between the woman he loves and his parents, whom he loves too, but who see you as someone who is ruining their family. Perhaps this conflict even has to do with his sexual fantasies, in which he basically wants to humiliate you and degrade you to a sex object — it might be a part of him who wants to please his parents. I don’t know, just a thought…

So definitely, a lot of therapy is needed… But also, how are you feeling in all this? How are you feeling about his family being so mean to you and rejecting you?

• This reply was modified 3 years ago by Tee.