Hi Anita,

How are you doing? It has been so long!!

I apologize for just vanishing… I just had so much on my plate!

After I posted here, all of my 3 kittens fell severely ill. And one of them did not make it. He passed right in my arms. I felt him stop breathing and then his heart stop beating. I cannot begin to describe the loss and pain I felt. I wouldn’t wish that pain on my worst enemy. I lost a child that day.

After he passed, my other two were still critically ill and needed the utmost care. By God’s grace, they survived and are perfectly healthy and growing now (touch wood). The mother cat is fine as well. Her behaviour has drastically improved, and I will have her spayed soon. We are one knit family now. I love them more than anything. My mom has also become quite attached to them. Can you believe it?! She helped me with the kittens so much so that I would not have been able to look after them on my own, considering they needed to be kept warm with heatpads and needed their temperature checked every 2 hours. What a horrible time for us… But I’m grateful they’re okay…

You were right. I was severely sleep deprived and it took a toll on me. It is ridiculous how much self-doubt anxiety can instill in you. As exhausted, scared, and sleep-deprived I was, anyone in my position would have probably cracked. Let alone a person with disordered anxiety. Looking back, I keep patting my back for doing everything I could for my family. I know I did beyond my best. And the next time I face a difficult situation, I’m going to think of this time and remind myself of the courage and care I am capable of.

I won’t lie, I still sometimes reel thinking of that time; it was traumatic. And I have remind myself that it is over. I pray for my lost kitten and bring my attention back to the present.

About my mother, yes I still live with her. The week she was ill was difficult for me. Thanks to lack of sleep and the overburden, I was quite snappy. Because she was isloating, I had to serve her everything she needed. She could get really nitpicky, and it pissed me off. I snapped at her all the time and felt horrible about it later. She wasn’t a fan of the cats earlier, so that added to my worries too. Just a week ago, I had a horrible fight with her, where I told her I was done trying with her. That I have tried to reach her in every way I could, and failed. And so I now take a step back. I will no longer try to communicate. I guess that’s best for the both of us.

Enough about me. How are you doing? How is the pandemic situation where you live?

Hope to hear from you soon…