Hi Anita and Helcat:

The reason why I want to “be happy permanently” is because I want to be optimistic. I am not optimistic in real life, and I don’t even have time to think about positive things, because I have schoolwork/classwork to think about almost everyday. There’s always something almost impossible to think about at school, even though I work hard and mostly get As, Bs, or Cs, I have to keep up everything. The only times I’m happy is the time I have winter break or any holiday break with finished homework, and if everything goes my way.

Btw, I meant to say for my autism medications is that there is no cure for autism, but I have medicine treatment for my sleeping issues (sometimes I also creates problems with sleeping though). There’s no treatment for dealing with my crying and wailing.

How can I get “stronger and stronger over time, on the inside and on the outside”? I feel like trying to be strong both inside and outside is easier said than done. Also how can I “Focus on making small progress over a long time, instead of expecting a big change all at once”? I also feel like starting small is better than doing big. But I don’t step in a take the chance because everything I worry about is that, “tomorrow would be better” or “I don’t have much time for this”. How can I stop forcing myself to think this way and think about something else?

To answer your question, my teachers actually did help me a lot. I won’t say their names though. My teachers taught me lately about trying not to be sneaky, and listening to rules, keeping my hands to yourself, and no crying or screaming at school. But they don’t help on all things. I did not even tell them about the so called incident with my babysitter, because my teacher that I have now will be mad at me.  I also learned about the themes of trying to distract yourself from sleeping and sad memories. None of these problems are happening now, but I’m scared they will happen at an unexpected time. What can I do so that I can be optimistic and never let sad or devastating and fatal memories enter in my mind?  How can I believe in myself and other like the secret/law of attraction?? It’s hard to feel good like I wanted because of too many distractions.

How did you manage to keep your promises?? Please tell me your secret, because I cannot keep any promises and every promises I keep is a major failure. It’s impossible for me to keep up.

I really need lots of help with writing a good story and art with my new sketchbook. I want to be creative artist and writer. But people want me to do school more. What can I do?

Also I don’t work hard enough. And when I try to read a book, I do not read enough of nonfiction because nonfiction is boring and hard, except for fiction. Also every technique I try is not easy and seems difficult to do when reading for fun, like annotating, taking notes, and peripheral senses. What can I do to read more and have more fun reading a book? I feel like taking notes are important especially when reading a book. I’m scared but I want to read a book now. What can I do?

Also for Helcat’s questions:

1. “You also seem to be quite hard on yourself at least when you’re upset. Perhaps this is something you have learned from others?”
Yes, I’m always hard on myself. I don’t know if I learned how to be too harsh on myself. (I think I learned about how pushing yourself can be bad a bit, but I haven’t learned how to stop and end this problem permanently) I don’t think learned this from other people, just do everything you can to be better and make others happy, because I don’t have time to be happy. I have to put myself last because I have schoolwork when I have school. And I also learned that I can’t control myself. And my emotions very much, just to go outside and take a break. But what if I don’t want a break and the break won’t help me? Because to be successful, my slogan that I follow is to do it now and force yourself to be in the level where you have to be perfect and good enough. It’s just like trying to dance in the right way in the Wii console to Just Dance . Everyone’s better than I am. And I almost always fall in last place.I want to have fun, but letting loose to enjoy is just too hard, and I can’t let loose, I have to do something to be better. And to permanently become an optimistic person, right??

2. “Does being around your carer make you anxious? Do you fear upsetting them?”
I used to be happy with my caregiver, but lately I started to get more anxious and more insecure because she will stop me from speaking and letting me do what I want. She’s ok but I’m so anxious and insecure, I don’t want her to see me cry. And a local writing workshop from my local library finally decided not to continue the workshop until after new year’s day of next year, because she din’t want to expose to COVID problems. So she gave away notebooks. And I was going to be in that program and now I’m not happy because I have to wait a whole week, and I want someone to finally read a story I made up, and they still they forget about what I want. What can I do? When I’m so scared to tell the truth? I don’t want to be subtle, gibberish and weak anymore. I want to be strong! I need help!

3. “Do you have a plan to help you with school? Perhaps a tutor might be beneficial?”
I have to plan to help with my school, just a schedule and I have to to do whatever the schedule says, so I get what I get and I shouldn’t be upset. And I do all I can to stop crying. Because now I’m learning that to be successful and never cry ever again in front of school (because I did that in ninth grade), you must never get punished by school and push yourself to the point of burnout and cry like a baby. But whatever you do you must never cry. That’s the only hope of self controlling myself. But what can I do to control all crying habits. I don’t want a therapist or counselor to help me. I want to be perfect. What if I say something wrong?
also I only have paras, so no tutors until I graduate and do whatever I want, and other than the people I trust I cannot get the help I want. People who are supple and kind to me will take forever to talk to me, but not the people who I trust further. They will just become hot headed whenever they want, and I will still just become unnecessary. What can I do?

i just failed to be a good writer, so I want to say that I might either continue, or give it up and let go of writing until it’s almost all unlearned, and until I want to try to write a whole story again. What can I do? And how can I make my creative writing and art dreams come true. I need help with my sketchbook. I have nothing to draw and when I put my pen on the paper I still get so scared what to draw. I love comics, but I’m scared to draw the storyboard panels, so what can I do?

Thank you, Helcat and anita, for the previous advice.

please respond back when you are ready.

From, Ivygrl.