Dear Lindsey:

“Sex is one of the main things I have to offer because I don’t have anxiety during that time.  My brain is only tuned in on what I am doing in the moment. That’s how I get to show him I like him in that state of mind“-

– imagine getting into that state of mind outside the context of sex. If you communicate well with him, and if he makes you feel understood and validated, your anxiety will lessen and lessen, and you will be able to genuinely express yourself and show him that you like him in all other contexts!

“Currently I believe my anxiety issues will get old and annoying unless I try to talk with him and find a way to calm down.  More important than him getting annoyed it is I think this talk is the only way I can enjoy myself” – yes, do talk with him and continuously, on a regular basis (although not too much at any one time).

Regarding a way to calm down, the practice of Mindfulness is one effective way. Actually, from what you described; you are able to be mindful in the sexual context (“My brain is only tuned in on what I am doing in the moment“). You can practice mindfulness/ being tuned in on what you are doing in the moment- at all other times. I remember my therapist taught me to be mindful when washing the dishes, when walking, etc.

I know that elevated anxiety takes so much joy out of life, so really, lessening the anxiety is the way to go. Not easy, but little by little, you can make it happen!

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by .