Dear NeW:

Welcome back to your thread and congratulations for your 7-month pregnancy!

“I am resurrecting this topic” – let’s look at what you shared a year and a half ago:

May 2020: “Over the last 3 years I have continually…  tried to prove my worth to her and been very (so uncomfortably) vulnerable to her and trying to explain what I needed in a mother/daughter relationship… My biggest hurdle was that I knew she was continually being dishonest to me, in an attempt to avoid confrontation… A few weeks ago, my mother and I had a heated discussion about something stupid, and since that day she has totally stonewalled me. She is giving me the silent treatment but has not communicated what she is upset about or anything” –

– My advice today, do not resurrect the following: making yourself vulnerable to her, trying to explain anything to her, trying to prove your worth to her, trying to melt the frozen heart she’s had for you for the last 5.5+ years (the 3 years you mentioned above, plus 1.5+ of silent treatment). To not resurrect all of these, it will take not resurrecting a relationship with her.

June 2020: “I have to admit this week was the most difficult, I think I am grieving our relationship and realizing finally that she cannot be the parent I wanted, and I know I don’t really want to be in a relationship with someone that refuses to discuss issues or resolve conflict. I realize the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse, which I never thought she would resort to… I said to my husband recently that I think she just taken it too far this time, I don’t know that I can forgive her and move past this treatment” –

-My advice: do not resurrect the greater pain, the grieving, the emotional abuse and the next silent treatment!

July 2020: “I am still struggling with the new reality that my own mother won’t be a part of this journey…. It is my birthday this week so it will be interesting to see what happens. If my mother does not acknowledge it all, I think I will know that is a final nail in the coffin” –

-My advice: that coffin opened just a bit when she emailed you most recently. Please close it and burry it deep in the ground.

You wrote back in May 2020: “My biggest hurdle was that I knew she was continually being dishonest to me, in an attempt to avoid confrontation” – (1) You cannot erase your very real and very valid need to confront her, (2) You cannot eliminate her dishonesty.

1 + 2 = an honest, supportive relationship with her is not possible.

Her email already elevated your stress levels. Resuming a relationship with her (including the next silent treatment) will harm you and your child, before and after birth. A baby in the womb senses his/ her mother’s stress levels because her blood carries her stress hormones to his/ her brain. It is time to protect yourself and your child from the woman who indeed took it too far.

anita