Dear Nichole:

A little history: your first post on tiny buddha was on August 21, 2018, you were living in Chicago at the time. Your mother passed away less than a month later, on September 16, 2018. Ten days later, on Sept 26 & 27, heartbroken, you wrote: “My mother is an amazing woman who unfortunately made terrible decisions in her life… Our relationship always struggled but we have always had love for one another… I love her so much“.

Exactly 3 years ago, on January 9, 2019, I wrote to you: “Dear Nichole: You mentioned being 30. What I suggest next will take about, I am guessing, two years to produce significant results…. Pause between feeling badly and automatically reacting to the bad feeling by doing something impulsive (and often damaging). In that pause calm down and think logically. Focus on functioning effectively, communicating with others effectively, living effectively, producing win-win interactions with others… Take breaks from anxiety and distress by exercising, taking walks, hot baths, any variety of activities that can be considered… distractions that are not harmful. Make a routine of such distractions, ex., a walk per day at a certain time, if possible”.

Fast forward to November 25, 2020, you were living in Florida. I wrote to you on that day: “Your writing is so much calmer than before, much improved, so much so that I got the opportunity to notice your talent. When you lived in Chicago, your writing was too often the product of a very distressed and overwhelmed brain. In the significant improvement of your writing, I see that you are now significantly mentally healthier than you were before”.

Fast forward to today, you wrote: “Things are going good Anita. I think I’m doing better with fear and loneliness…. I’ve been at my new job for a month now and that’s a good time for me… I’m at a place where I can slow down a bit and I almost forgot what it was like to relax and feel confident in my ability to handle things for myself. Am so happy for that Anita… I am learning so much about life lately… I am in a woman’s group that meets bi-weekly, and I haven’t missed yet. Little steps” – excellent, continued progress, good job, Nichole!

“I still struggle with my Mother’s death… I miss her Anita. I miss the kind of love she offered” – You always loved her, even when you were angry at her. Underneath, you loved her intensely, faithfully all along. No way she could have missed the love in your heart, no way!

When you think about your mother lovingly, please recognize that you always loved her, and that your everlasting love for her makes you a good person, a good, loving person who deserves to let go of guilt and rest in your loving nature. You deserve calm and peace of mind. May this new year offer you more and more peace of mind!

anita