This may sound rude but nobody is in an almost relationship. You are either in one or not. And you are not. Don’t let people drag you along. If he wanted to, he would. And he doesn’t want a relationship. You are just lurking on the sidelines waiting for him to give you the validation of being his girlfriend/boyfriend
Nobody should have you on your toes. A relationship should be about belonging and companionship. I don’t really care about attachment styles. If someone is triggering anxiety in you it is best for you and them to put an end to it.
He has already shown you what this is:
he takes longer time to reply, and the answer is usually short – not interested
2. the frequency we text each other has declined a lot – not interested
3. we still share lunch photo daily – is the bar this low?
4. he no longer ask questions and cares about me – not interested
5. our interaction has gotten less fun than before – not interested
6. we no longer wish good night sleep daily (occasionally yes) – please, stop this!
You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel secure, wanted and loved. I wish him well and hopes he finds that too. But I want to help you. The attention he gave you in the start had you hooked and you have let 2 years go by with crumbs of hope that you will “get” him. He is not a prize. Stop chasing people when they have shown you what they think of you.
Please work on your self-esteem. Why are you accepting almost relationships. For 2 years? You are lacking a healthy sense of boundaries and standards. I did too, so I am not judging. Please wake up. And you may get advice to communicate but this I am against. Some things are bare minimum. Even if you got into a relationship with him, you already know what it’s going to be like – not fulfilling and anxiety inducing.
I’m always worry about him getting close to other girls especially now that he got back into office. So by my paranoia mind I always assume to the worst case scenario, which in this case, it felt like he is pulling away. So I’m not sure if i’m being too clingy or he’s just getting busy with the ‘new normal’ life. – he is not your partner so you are wrong here to expect anything. But in the future, if a partner makes you insecure about loyalty, introspect on if it is really you or if that person is not meeting your needs. Don’t try to be the “cool girlfriend”. You trust people when they earn your trust.
Your anxious attachment style is tied to your self-esteem issues. Do work on that.
This person is not even a proper friend. Take your time and energy back. If you need to cut contact to recover from the almost relationship. Do it. Focus on you. Be with people and invest in activities that fill you up with joy.
Sorry if it hurt your feelings but I need you to recover from this and fly high. I know you deserve good things, please believe that.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 