Hi anita

it’s fear, isn’t it, based on the delusion that if you stop worrying about something (which you cannot change), you will lose control and bad things will happen. – Yes, you nailed it! Fear that if I let it go, it will come back and hurt me in an unexpected way. And I took time to understand why. I think it comes from my parents. I always felt like I had to keep an eye on adult matters, at school I used to pretty much tell my mom what she had to do or say with my teachers and my dad used to not come at all. Even though I didn’t know how because I wasn’t really an adult. But at the same time, I was expected to do well at school. So I had no support but all the expectations. I am repeating that at work, even if there is no support, expectations from them are okay and I need to meet them. Even if it is expectations I have set for myself. I go through this with my mom’s health as well and you may find this strange but it has to do with fear that if I don’t pray to God that my mom has been hurt enough and she deserves a good life now, he’ll give her health problems.There is fear that if I let go, there will be some kind of backlash whether it is with health or work.

But ultimately my childhood taught me to look ahead. I can’t really live in the present moment because my childhood didn’t give me that chance. It was always – look ahead, predict how things could go wrong and they were usually things I couldn’t change but it felt like if I didn’t think about it, nobody else was and we would be doomed. I have the fear that I need to make sure I know all possibilities because life was going to hurt us.

(1) Finding something new to be anxious about is the nature of anxiety for every person who is significantly anxious, (2) Focusing on the sensations of the body is like taking an elevator down from the abstract/ overthinking brain => to the concrete sensations of the body, from the abstract to the concrete: it lessens anxiety when you do that because anxiety and overthinking go together. – Yes, in fact, when I notice the sensations, I am bringing my brain back which is otherwise all over the place and I wouldn’t even remember how I got there.

Thanks for appreciating my mentoring, I wish I could do more but I don’t think it is safe.

I am editing to add, I was consistently disappointed by my parents’ inability to make us feel safe and it now has me unable to believe that life can be good and trust anyone with taking control. But at the same time, I think it has affected my ability to function and exhausted me, hence this topic and how it started.

Girija

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by samy.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by samy.