Dear Dave:

You are welcome. I like how you quoted each item of suggestion and advice and responded to each, and I liked reading all of your responses.

“So maybe it just takes me a little longer than other people to open up completely and share what I am thinking/feeling, without fear of judgement” – if your current girlfriend is indeed very understanding and empathetic of you, maybe you can share with her (if you haven’t so far), that you would like to share with her more of what you are thinking and feeling, but you are afraid of judgment, such that you received early in life. You can give her an example or two of judgments you are afraid of and hear how she responds.

“I have worked a lot of expressing myself how I want to be heard, not how the voice in my head sometimes tells me I’m feeling… I try to carefully think about what I am going to say before I say it, if that makes sense” – express yourself authentically and in a contained way, so that you are true to yourself.

“Although you are aware of my inner thoughts and my somewhat anxious attachment style, I am confident that I don’t come across too needy or anxious to my new love interest,”- coming to think about it, you don’t sound (or reads like, more accurately) too needy or anxious to me. I read from members who do sound this way, but you don’t, not to me.

“I should be a bit kinder to myself” – I vote for you being a lot kinder to yourself!

“These words of affirmation from myself seem so important, rather than being judgmental and critical of my emotional side which feels a deep longing for those I care about” – your emotional side that feels a deep longing is your natural, loving part, one that too many people hide so successfully that they no longer feel it and they become cold and cruel. Coldness and cruelty deserve judgment and criticism, not your wonderful longing for love!

anita