Hi Canary

My experience of forgiveness is that it isn’t something we do once and then as if by magic all the hurt memory’s and feelings are gone. Forgiveness is a skill and process that requires practice – perhaps better to say Forgiveness is a practice like… meditation. If you ever tried meditation you might have notice that some attempts go better then others and that ok, there will always be more opportunities to practice 🙂

I found it helpful to note that forgiveness does not mean a person is no longer responsible or accountable for thier actions. It means we can hold them accountable without having to attach to our anger and hurt. We experience hurt and anger vice ‘I am’ hurt…

Forgiveness is more of practice of “forgetting” as in not dwelling on the memory. When we notice we are dwelling we practice  acknowledging the feelings and letting them go/flow.
Forgiveness is a practice of forgoing as in letting go the desire to ‘hurt back’ and or the imagining of ‘if only’, a attempt to change the past and force it to comply to your will your control (almost always ego) . The next time you are experiencing these painful memories and emotions ask yourself if a part of you could be doing so with the subconscious hope that by holding on to your pain you are punishing the one you hurt? (I can tell you that does not work but I still fall for that trap)

It might also be helpful to remind yourself that when you find yourself in the moments when the memory arise that it is the memory that is recreating the emotions, not the specific event that happened in the specific space and time. And memory my friend is a trickster. When a experience moves to memory it is no longer the experience as it was, as we have likely projected a lot of our shadow onto it.

I agree with Anita that quality therapy could help you identify your ‘old feelings’. These feelings will likely still arise from time to time, but with help, the amount of time hold onto them will lesson until the day you will just notice – hello old friends, I see you,  I do not wish to dwell today. I have memories I am not my memories, I have emotions, I am not my emotions….  Oh look I see what in the present has triggered the memory… I also see that this present is not that experience in the past… I have taken what I have learned from the past and better able to deal with what is happening now…