Dear Anita,

regardless of fault, you should not be exposed to his outbursts – Thank you, I will certainly read more on this and consider my position as carer. I had never really thought of it like this to be honest.

I can’t imagine it not having a part in your anxiety – thank you Anita for the offer to journal here, I’m sure it does have an impact on my anxiety. I am happy to share on here for sure. I do a lot of extra journaling just as a way to express myself (sometimes for pages and pages), so I’d like to be more concise here. I feel that period of uncertainty, violence, injury and fear shows itself again sometimes in my life these days. Like in romance, a lot of my older insecurities and trauma only manifest themselves in my romantic life. I feel with work, friendships, exercise, hobbies etc – I don’t have the same vulnerability as I do with love. I think that is what I’m trying to get to the bottom of. As part of my journaling, I’ve managed to write down several milestone moments in my life that I think had an impact on my inability to fully trust a lover or caregiver for some time.

it is very sad that boys and men are victims to this gender-based discrimination – It really is isn’t it. But fortunately, Kate is very good at breaking down this stigma with me. A lot of the conversations we are having revolve around older patterns that we have both learnt and us both trying to break those thought patterns. Her ex was not very sympathetic or empathetic when she suffered social anxiety, I have tried to be so supportive and a safe space where she express herself, which she has found so helpful, she says I am breaking down her walls that she put up. Similarly, when I was feeling anxious the other day and really wanted reassurance – I took your advice Anita and told Kate, she was so supportive and caring, made me feel safe and reassured. I am slowly learning that to be a man and be emotional, sensitive and loving is no bad thing.

Keep at it, persistently and patiently, every day, and you will notice a significant improvement within months, I predict. – thank you again Anita, you are right. I am slowly feeling more and more confident and less anxious, but like you say it takes time. There are still moments where I feel I am not good enough and that Kate will realise that. But this comes back to vulnerabilities coming out in Romance, where in work for example, I don’t ever feel that way. I have confidence that I am the right person for the job etc.

All the best,

Dave