Dear Anita,

we re-experience our troubled childhood emotional experiences in the context of romantic relationships – this feels so true. But in the same way, the more connected I feel in romantic relationships, the more my anxious attachment is soothed. Which I guess relates to being soothed my mother or brother when a child and feeling anxious.

She suggested that each person should have not only an inner child within, but a whole inner family, consisting of an inner parent, an inner brother (masculine) and an inner sister (feminine) – I am glad you think that about Kate, she certainly is someone who is caring, empathetic and absolutely supporting of my showing and feeling my emotions deeply. This is very nice what the other member had said, I feel we all are multitudes like this. That we have layers and different areas of our personality that are needed in certain situations. The genderlessness is very interesting, almost as though we should not relate showing emotional with femininity, but as just a part of ourselves.

I had a moment just this morning with Kate, where we had a very lovely weekend together and spent a lot of time really connecting on a deeper level, I just felt close to tears, out of pure joy and happiness and she was so supportive and did not make me feel weird for showing this level of emotion. I explained what we have talked about here, that I guess I still felt a stigma as a man crying. Kate said that she sees me showing my feelings and tears as a sign of courage and strength.

I hope you are well,

D