Hi Anita, I don’t know if you’re still active but it is worth a shot. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months because I went through the same thing as Jazz and Micky. At first I was falling so hard in love, almost obsessive like. It wasn’t until the second month where my feelings for him have subsided. We carried on our relationship until today where I painfully ended our relationship. I did this because ever since the last week of January I just lost the feeling that I use to have for him. He is an amazing man. He treated me so well and he loved me, he chose to stay with me even in my darkest times. It was me who faltered but I know I still love and care for him but I don’t feel it anymore. I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me or not but already, I miss him. I miss him so much but I feel as though I cant go back to him because all I’d do to him is hurt him all over again. Before we said our goodbyes he said “I will always love you” and “I’ll wait for you, I want you and I’ll wait for you” and that hurt me more because it just reminded me of how much he loved me just for me to do this to him. He is my ideal man, ever since from a young age I’ve always wanted a man like him, to be loved by a man like him. I tried to tell myself this past two week that what I’m feeling is just a phase that it will pass but it didn’t. Like how Jazz and Micky said I felt like I was living a lie. Every time I called him, every time he texted me, every time we facetimed, all I could feel was pain about how I felt like I was living a lie and how I was lying to myself and to him in order to stay with him. I also knew that what I was doing was hurting him and that hurt me even more. I started to hate myself and I wanted nothing more than to let him go in order for him to find someone better who loved him and treated him like he deserved to be treated. I felt as though I didn’t deserve him because all I felt like I was doing was just hurting him. I miss him so much already and it hasn’t even been a day. He kept asking what he did wrong and there is NOTHING that he did wrong. He did everything right. It was just me, I fell back, I’m confused, I just don’t want to hurt him anymore but at the same time I don’t want to hate myself anymore. I’m scared that if I go back to him I’d just repeat this thing and it would become a whole cycle. I love him so much, but I’m scared that I’ll just hurt him. I miss him.

As for my parents, my father constantly physically and sexually abused, psychologically manipulated, and cheated on my mother. From a very young age I’ve witness this thinking as far back as maybe 3 years old. They got a divorce and I was forced to stay with my father since he would not let my mother take me. Living with my father was horrible. He was a very bad man to women and was a horrible role model. There was even a time where he abused me. Then came the day where he just up and left me alone with my older brother to take care of me. I don’t know if this is a factor of why I did what I did or why I felt like how I felt.

Again…. all I know is that I miss him and I do still love and care for my now ex boyfriend. I’m just scared that if I get back together with him I’d just feel like this all over again.