Dear Ada:

“Suddenly I have just started to feel in a way revolted by him? I feel so guilty for it… it feels horrible” – you felt a moment of revulsion. Next you felt guilty and horrible- an escalation of distressing emotions. What if you noticed a moment of revulsion but didn’t think much of it, saying to yourself something like: hmmm, interesting, I felt revulsion, and then you moved on to something else?

But you didn’t move on to something else, you started arguing with yourself, trying to convince yourself (“But I love him I know I do but I just can’t convince myself of it anymore”), considering breaking up with him, etc., all an overreaction to a moment of revulsion.

Sometimes relationships are abusive or otherwise unhealthy, and a feeling of revulsion does indicate that a relationship needs to end. But in healthy long-term relationships both parties, from time to time, feel a bit revolted by the other, maybe when a partner smells bad or says something… revolting. It happens. But if the relationship is good, you don’t dwell on it and the revulsion is temporary, it goes away, no big deal.

What do you think/ feel about what I posted here?

anita